Life has become complicated

It appears that I have done it again. Completely forgotten about my little blog here.

Life recently has become extremely complicated. Things were going well for awhile, then suddenly I realized I wasn't happy in my relationship. My partner and I had been together for almost 9 years. And basically I was done with the relationship. I felt as if we were moving in completely different directions.  The things I had wanted were no longer relevant to me, my wants and needs had changed, seemingly overnight. Of course it wasn't that quick but I am sure you all know what I mean.

Anyways, after many months of beating myself up trying to make a decision, without hurting anyone, never gonna happen I know, I had finally made my decision. Then came the question of how do I tell him the decision I had made? I tried so many times to tell him, but the words just wouldn't come out of my mouth, no matter how hard I tried. Every time I basically made him think that I wanted to work it out, when in fact I did not. That of course made me feel even worse, but what was I supposed to do when the words just would not come out of my mouth. Well the day eventually came when I just really could not do it anymore. So I sat down and wrote him a letter. Put it in an envelope and set it on the coffee table. When he came home the letter was there and so was I. He asked what was wrong and all I said was please read this. I had explained in detail how I felt and what my decision was, hoping to make it easier for him, but there was no way to make it easier for him. Granted he had been suspecting it for a while already, but it still shocked him, and hurt him. That was 3 weeks ago. He has remained in the house we have shared for the last 5 years. He is expecting to be out by this weekend at the latest. He thinks that I don't care, that this isn't hard for me as I am the one who broke up with him. Little does he know how much it actually does, granted I have had many months to basically get over it, because for me the relationship was done a long time ago, it just took me this long to realize it.

In the short amount of time that I have been single, I have been discovering many things about my self. Making some wonderful new friends and even met a man that could be exactly what I need a man to be. I've spent more time with my friends and done things I have been meaning to for a long time now, even done some unexpected things. I am really truly experiencing life for the first time in my almost 31 years of living. At this point I am happier than I have ever been, and I hope that he can turn what has happened into a positive thing for himself as well. I wish him nothing but the best, I wish him happiness and love and that he finds the one person who truly is worthy of someone like him.

For those who actually do read what I have posted please pray for him in this time of hardship. It may not seem like it but I do still care very deeply for him. How could I not? Just keep him in your thoughts and prayers. Do not worry about me as he deserves them more than I.

Go in Love and Light
And may the Divine
Always shine upon you